Today was Sam's appointment with an ENT to discuss sleep issues. In my head I imagined the doctor looking at Sam's adnoids, saying, "Wow, these are so big I'd like to take them out right now." And following the surgery we'd head home where he'd fall asleep within minutes and sleep all night long. That was the scenario playing out in my head. Sometimes my mind is a very nice place to be.
That wasn't what happened. Instead we got:
1) Uncertainty whether or not his adenoids are truly enlarged
2) A second strong confirmation that a sleep study is needed
Sam fell asleep on the way home. During that silence my mind reverted to the questions from a few weeks ago: "Maybe this isn't related to his breathing. Maybe I'm just a pansy of a parent--the kind that always buys McDonald's Happy Meals and interrupts playground fights too quickly. Maybe this is all my fault." Sometimes my mind is a very frightening place to be.
So I called my mom and spilled. And she listened. And she simply said wonderfully empathetic statements like, "I can hear the sadness in your voice." And I hung up and felt a little bit better.
I felt even better when a few minutes later Sam started snoring like a morbidly obese old man. My parenting did not result in that snoring. I called my mom again and put her on speaker phone to listen to my son snore.
After a two hour bedtime ordeal with Sam I picked up my phone and called the sleep lab (being a sleep lab their office hours are a bit different). The next available appointment is June 16th. June 16th is smack dab in the middle of a youth camp I'm preaching at...with both kids in tow. Not only did I turn down the offered study date, I then had a mini-panic attack at the thought of going another month without sleep AND taking my sleep-deprived family to camp (speaking of which if there are any Iowa readers who want to make some extra cash and babysit just let me know. They're fun kids. Really great sleepers. No sleep problems at all. Really. Cross my heart.) So now we're looking at a sleep study for the last week in June (speaking of which, I'm praying for a cancellation that will allow us to be seen earlier).
Once again Jesus Calling to the rescue. In the midst of my panic I remembered the words I read last night: "Most of the situations that entangle your mind are not today's concerns; you have borrowed them from tomorrow" (138). John and I have worked hard to live debt free with our finances. I think the next step is for me to worry debt-free. I don't want to borrow what I don't yet possess. No worrying about tomorrow allowed. The interest is too steep.
Today. Today. Today. Or as my friend put it, Manna. Manna. Manna.
Oh yeah, and I think Sam has pink eye, but I'll worry about that tomorrow.