Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Milk kills me every time

I've been off of dairy products since April due to Sam's allergies. As I've tried to find dairy-free options at restaurants I've had some interesting conversations with waiters.

Me: I don't suppose you have any dairy-free desserts, do you?
Waiter: Let me check with the chef. I do know for sure that you can have the ice cream.
Me: Um, okay.

For the most part, I've found people are so eager for me to eat their food that they often say the food is fine whether or not they truly know the ingredients. Seven months into this diet I've finally found a way to ensure my food at restaurants is dairy-free--my friend Katie gave me this idea. It works 100% of the time.

Me: Do you know if this bread has dairy in it?
Waiter: Let me see.
(Waiter picks it up and stares at it as if trying to see specks of milk.)
Waiter: Nope. There's not any dairy in it.
Me: Are you sure? I have a dairy allergy.
Waiter: Definitely. It's fine
Me: Good, because dairy is like poison to me.

And then I start to take a big bite which is ALWAYS interrupted by the waiter saying, "WAIT! Let me run to the kitchen just to double check."

And then they come back with iceberg lettuce and Worcestershire sauce since those are the only truly dairy-free items in the kitchen.

6 comments:

The Lind Family said...

It is shocking how lax some people are about food--I'm lactose intolerant and do my best to avoid milk, but have found even when you order things with soy, mistakes frequently happen, which could be a big deal (I have a brother who would end up in the hospital with that sort of mistake). So, Starbuck's baristas hate me because I always double check their work (or obessively watch them work).

Catie said...

wow... And over here, a lot of us have been trying to avoid dairy because of the melamine issue. It's fun, huh? :) More like extremely annoying. There's a huge list of things we're not supposed to buy.

Keith Drury said...

It was fun for us to watch you perform this trick at the Spaghetti Factory in Indy last September... the time when you fell to the floor and began to convulse after a bite of bread the waiter had pronounced lactose-free.... well, maybe I'm stretching it a little.

Kari said...

As a former waitress for 10 years, I can vouch for the restaurant community that that is exactly how the conversation would go down. In general, we knew nothing about the food and were so used to lying when asked food questions, that the natural response was just to say what ever it looked the people wanted to hear. So sad, but true.

I, of course, never did such a horrible thing. =) But it was like pulling teeth in the kitchen to find out what was really in the food.

Anonymous said...

Dairy isn't like poison to you... you lied to that waiter... and lying makes baby Jesus cry. Maybe that's why Sam throws Baby Jesus... he feels guilty about his mother's deception!

David Drury said...

just caught up on all your posts the last month... I haven't had enough blog time of late.

ps: you continue to kill me.