Saturday, October 27, 2007

I'm Buying A Sympathy Belly

That's it. I'm buying a sympathy belly. You know, one of those bellies that you velcro on to your husband so he can get an idea of what it's like to carry around a 7 pound baby in your midsection.

But this belly won't be for John. John has actually been very sympathetic and sweet and is in no way in need of simulating pregnancy. This belly is for me to wear after the baby born. "Why?" you might ask? Because people are so stinkin' nice to pregnant women.

People smile at me. People open doors for me. People let me in front of them in the grocery line. People talk to me. Cars stop to let me cross the street. Salespeople carry my purchases. Teenagers love me (I don't know how many times I've been stopped by a flock of teenage girls). People speak softly and sweetly to me. Waitresses trip over their own feet to bring me another glass of water before my first one is empty. AND I LIVE IN JERSEY! Do you know how unusual treatment like this is here? Let me put it this way, if the fifty states were to compete in a pageant, New Jersey would probably not be the state to walk away with the prize for congeniality. Since I've had the baby bump, I have not found a single store who has apologized that they "don't have a public restroom." (In fact, just yesterday I was at a store that is notorious for not sharing their restroom. Nevertheless, my pregnant self was escorted to a restroom in the back of the store. Finding that the door was jammed shut , a flurry of saleswomen immediately began screaming for a large, burly man named Javier to throw his weight against the stubborn wood. Javier arrived. The door was opened. And we all left feeling very satisfied.)

I'm going to buy a sympathy belly so that a year from now, if I'm having a bad day, I can strap on my little buddy, drive to the mall, and get myself some fresh, authentic Jersey love.

Monday, October 22, 2007

A royal devil child

Okay, which baby doctor office would YOU choose? Would you choose the office on:

2 Princess Road


666 Plainsboro Road

Do I want my son to be a little princess or a devil child?

Friday, October 12, 2007

I feel like a hobbit

I'm 9.5 weeks away from delivering this baby. Well, technically I'm 7.5-11.5 weeks away from the baby's expected arrival. Apparently there are two week windows before and after our Dec. 17th due date where a birth would be welcomed by our midwives. So we're talking roughly from Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve (yes, that means you have about 10 weeks left to shop for Christmas...I'm adding that little reminder because I'm flipping out a bit over how close this all seems and I thought by adding in the shopping component I might at least be able to get some of you super-planners to flip out a bit with me).

It's 5:55 am and I've just finished my first mini-breakfast. This is actually a breakthrough for me.

For the past week I've woken up multiple times each night with horrible stomachaches. Only recently has it occurred to me that I might be feeling hunger pains. My stomach is now safely squashed into a small space some where around my rib cage which has meant I've had a more difficult time deciphering the gastational clues.

Anyway, every night for the past three days I've woken up around 12, 2, 4, and 6 am each time thinking, "When will it get to 7 am so I can get up and eat breakfast?"

And then around 5:30 am this morning it occurred to me that I could take a detour through the kitchen after passing through the bathroom for my first breakfast. It was a breakthrough! I'm not quite sure why that didn't occur to me earlier. I'm a bit muddled when it comes to nocternal thought processing. Hopefully labor will not strike in the middle of the night or I imagine I'll be popping Tums and rearranging pillows until that magically, sense-inducing 7 am alarm clock rings.

Okay, back to bed with me for one final hour of sleep.